Athanassia means immortality. And what 2016 taught me is that saying good bye rarely means it is the end. It means we move on to an other dimension. One that is not seen, it is only felt. With the heart. In the heart.
2016 was an enormous good bye for me. It made me feel so fragile, so human. But this is not a step back, it is not sign of weakness. It is a sign that we get closer to our true self, the one with endless possibilities. We discover pieces of ourselves in saying good bye, in hearing ourselves saying it.
During my trip to Genoa, my colleagues kept asking about my mother. I told them, she is a hero to my eyes, and at the age of 34 I realised she is also human. I described how I was holding her hand after the surgery like a child, I was trying to wake her up. Her body was so pale and cold, it made me see that eternity is our love for life.
A month later, my grand mother died.
I was not there to say good bye, even though I knew it was our last time looking at each other’s eyes when we last met. We always know deep inside.
So I told my colleagues “If 2016 was the end of all the pain and grief, and loss, new year will be the beginning of all the things our soul is travelling for.”
I had this “dream” during meditation the other day. It was so intense, that I cried when I realised it was just a dream.
I felt rays of light on my body and my eyes could not focus, I was on a train. I was so happy. I saw me smiling, I saw me hold his hand. Who was he? As soon as the train stopped and the door opened, enormous, blinding gold, warm waves of light were showering us, I looked at him, I did not see his face, but I knew our eyes were meeting each other. I just knew. My heart was dancing and I smiled, saying “we are finally here”. I woke up from meditation smiling out loud, and as soon as I realised this was just a dream, I felt both bliss and sadness. Sadness that it was just a dream, bliss that “Nassia” reminded me that happiness is not something out there. It is inside of us. And only from within it flows outside and surrounds us. And we shall hold hands again.
Whenever I feel lonely on the plane, I look at photographs, I smile at them. My family, my dog, my beloved ones. They say eternity is real, it is a photograph. Sometimes we see it, and sometimes, we imagine it. And it is even more “ours”.