|please do not feed your fears|

The past few months I keep having the same dream all over again. Faces and places change but the dream is the same. Like my life, faces and places change but the situation stays the same.

I dream of the sea. Nice pale blue sea with little white waves covers me moving me slowly to the shore. I am smoothly drifting back and forth, feels so effortless, fearless, as if I have been there in the past. It reminds me of my childhood summer time, letting my body free near the seaside, floating on clear sea. I used to open up my eyes underwater without hesitation, feeling dazed by the little light spots moving like stardust on golden sand. Oh it felt so good being free. Fearless. That dream, that perpetual dream feels exactly like that. And you were there, on the other side, smiling, calm but distant. Like someone I don’t know, a passenger who stopped to see me letting go of my fears, letting waves to direct me in their own pace and power to the land.

Someone once said “We‘re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we‘re not alone”. This is what the dream is about. And that is the reason it feels so familiar, so friendly being carried away by waves. It is life, and whatever it brings along. When you’re strong enough to feel free to be weak when you no longer fight, you live. You bent for standing still will break you. You stop swimming, cause waves will exhaust you. You let it be and you live. That is what constitutes human morality. So contradictory, human and morality and eternal life. There is no bigger fear of the one of being free. But I am fearless, free.

I therefore let the past go and float weightlessly free to the shore, no matter who waits for me. I will reach the shore and I will still remember of that dream, like my childhood warm memories of laughter, sand, sun and salty water smell.

Love, N.

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